In Salon's 'Since You Asked' advice column is a letter from a lesbian whose partner will carry their first child. Should they use an anonymous or known donor? She notes: 'we will happily own all the responsibility... but a nagging voice keeps asking whether it's more beneficial for the child to know its father -- especially if it's a boy. What might our child miss out on by not having a dad? My partner is afraid that if we invite a known donor into our child's life, we run the risk of parental interference, or confusing the child, or even a possible custody battle. It happens. But I'm afraid that my child will always wonder who his or her "real" dad was.'The response: Leaning towards disclosure. That makes the child in as many ways as possible a part of a family and community. And if you were the child, would you want to know that you came from an anonymous sperm donor? That doesn't necessarily mean parental involvement from the father or a co-parenting arranagement however. But it could be a mixture of that.
Bottom line? There are no rules, but there will be a man who is this child's genetic father. To make that man's identity a mystery doesn't make sense.
